Letter to Ashleigh – Journey down Memory Lane September 24, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: letters, memory lane
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Dearest Ashleigh,
I looked up at that photograph that you gave to me – you know, the one of you in Year 8; and looking upon it a terrible thought struck me deep inside – I cannot live without you. I began to cry, to weep. In that instant, all my memories of you and I flashed before me, circulating my psyche to the point where I felt overwhelmed by both joy and sorrow. I continued to cry, at the realization that I could not live without you.
A similar moment occurred earlier in our young relationship. During summer, at your place, while sitting at the porch with your feet upon my knees and you sitting opposite me appearing dazzling in the summer haze – your skin glowing and your eyes glimmering. I told you of this moment before. The moment where I thought that I wished to spend my entire life with you. It was an amazing moment, one edged in my memory, like us sitting on the lawn at the dawn of this spring in my grandmother’s backyard.
We have shared together many such wonderful moments, and these memories I believe will resist decay. Such moments as when we went to the beach – you, Sami, Lil and I; or when we went to the beach with Brooke. We didn’t intend to swim or become wet, but after a few splashes we found ourselves saturated in the water, and later, we sat on the shore watching the lighting strike the water in the far-off distance, without even making a sound. When we later arrived at McDonald’s in St Albans, we must have appeared crazy to the staff there, we were covered in sand and the air-conditioning only exacerbated our sense of cold. However, despite the physical sensation of cold, I can guarantee you my heart was never warmer. Perhaps this is how we may understand Helen Keller’s wise remark: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
Do you remember when you painted my face in Banksia? That tingling feeling from the paint is still there, as is the tingling affection that I felt in my heart. Do you remember knocking on your wall to communicate with me? Do you remember me scaring you, upon which I was told off by the staff and told to go to bed (my bedtime was earlier than yours). Do you remember Kirby, that game we used to play on the Starlight machine? Do you remember when Alison mistook another person for myself at the Melbourne Aquarium and do you remember (I certainly do) your screams in that simulator experience? Do you remember playing the basketball game ‘Around the World’, which you would always win, sometimes even throwing the ball into the hoop with your back turned toward it? I remember it precisely – your red hair, your blue eyes, your white TTC volleyball top with your surname inscribed on the back, and most significantly, your smile. A smile that Robert remarked “would make the sun come out to shine.” You would not believe the happiness that strikes my heart when I see that smile upon your face.
Do you remember that summer day, at my place, when you and the girls were walking home and you returned two or three times because on each successive journey either Zoe or Caetlyn had injured themselves and were in need of a band-aid? Do you remember too that other summer day when we went with Joseph and Zoe to the pool at St Albans?
Do you remember our walk through the park and by the Yarra; or sitting atop our hill, which was ever-green until one intense summer came. Remember those annoying bells and how distracting that could be (what did they distract us from?) Do you remember just talking? Such as when we caught that random train (to Cranbourne perhaps) and just talked for the entire time. Or that train to Glenn Waverly that we caught on our first 27th, with you laying against me? I could not have ever contemplated seriously that a girl would lay against me in such affection, but you did, and it touched me, my heart, deeply.
Remember when the tram we caught was so intensely packed that we could not get off at our desired stop and so ended up getting off at Parkville? Or when, in a state of semi-delirium, I remarked that you could not run away to Sydney because you did not have a Passport to do so? Do you remember when we were studying in all-quiet and somber State Library, and then… a giant bang as the man’s chair broke to pieces?
The remainder of this public letter has been omitted, since from here on its content is more deeply personal.
Contemplating Change September 24, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: change, dynamic, nature, philosophy, stasis
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It seems almost characteristically human that we human beings desire to lock favorable traits and circumstances in a state of enduring stasis. We desire to keep what is favorable in a state of constant preservation, free from change, alteration or modification – immutable in a sense. It is like locking something, usually precious, in a deep vault in the corner, attempting to secure it there where it is one’s vain hope that it will not become subject to any change from the outside world; that it will be preserved and endure. In the short-term, this hope is not vain. However, in the long-term, it is inevitable that even the vault itself will change form as time corrodes its exterior, laying bare its interior.
Despite these desires, however strong they may be, nature is dynamic. Its various environmental factors are in constant change, most of which is beyond our control. Change in environmental conditions is the driving force behind adaptation. We adapt to our dynamic environment in order to best survive and navigate it successfully. Without change in the environment, whatever that change may be, there would be no development, no evolution, no formation of character or conscience. In that sense, change, though we may not always like it, is necessary for growth to occur, and while we may resist it at times, change seems not only inevitable in this world, but necessary for its development.
September 15, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: mental illness
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A person whose identity I wish to protect, and so I will call them V from hence forth, sent me quite a distressing email just a few minutes ago. In it is expressed the utter torment of mental illness; of how it can invade one’s psyche, devour one’s energy and deplete a person of their vitality and sense of meaning to the point where they question why they carry on in the fight against it. In the light of this email, I can more vividly understand Romulus Gaita’s words, “There is no sickness worse than mental sickness,” as recounted by his son, Raimond, in his biography Romulus, my father.
How do you treat something that is hidden in the depths of psyche? How do you heal wounds that are embedded so deeply? How do you even approach such issues? It seems so complex, so overwhelming, and so intense that at times it threatens to consume an entire personality and rob them of all happiness and feeling, rendering a person in a deep sense of isolation, of loneliness – as though no one in the world could possibly ever understand or even contemplate the difficulties of one’s mind. How does one approach this?
Even today, it seems that speaking about mental illness is forbidden to some degree. Slowly, however, more brave persons step forward and declare that they stand in solidarity with those who suffer from the daily torment of a mental affliction. Granted that we have a greater understanding of the psychology of mental illness, but do we understand the suffering and can we empathize with the sufferers? Can we perhaps open another window to understanding in our communities, one that peers and introspects deeply into the mind itself and its influence on how we behave.
I want to support V as best as I can, and I fear failing in this. I fear failing to be a genuine friend. I fear that my own interests and concerns will overtake my concern and careful regard for V. She needs a friend right now. And I feel challenged – challenged to strive to be that friend. I must admit thought that I find it intensely difficult. I find myself asking questions – what do I do to help? How can I help? Am I doing the right thing? Should I do this like that?
Perhaps the best way to help someone who is suffering is simply to reach out to them from the heart. From a Christian perspective, God reaches out to his creation in Christ and opens his heart to the entire universe on the cross. Perhaps we are challenged to follow this model and to reach out to each other, opening our hearts to each other, even at the risk of sacrifice and suffering ourselves. Perhaps we avoid doing this because we fear the risk – the risk of hurting ourselves, the risk of suffering rejection. However, we if risked nothing, what kind of existence would that be? Of course, being human, reaching out from one’s innermost heart to touch the life of another human being can be challenging. And so we often find ourselves hiding behind superficial facades – mere appearances – generated to protect us from each other, a seemingly benign pursuit, but that has become a wall, a barrier, that has isolated ourselves from each other. The struggle is to break this barrier and to genuinely connect with one’s fellow human beings, and from struggle and sacrifice comes victory and liberation.
Perhaps I have gotten off topic, or this post is trailing off into several directions as does my line of thinking. I hope that V can experience genuine healing – the kind that is experienced from friendship and love, not just psychotherapy. The kind of healing that makes the deeply cut wounds bearable, and their scars begin to fade. I hope, furthermore, that she does not loose hope. Mental illness can cause a drought in which hope becomes a fading oasis in a desert of unbearable misery, inhospitable to life. I hope that V does not loose hope, and that her hope is maintained not only by the many dreams that we share together, but also by the fact that one day these days of shadow shall fade into memory, distant though not forgot.
V, I know that I may not understand completely; my intellect is feeble and I have no profound wisdom to comprehend it, but my hope for you is for your health, your happiness and your hope. You have a passion in this life; a passion to help others and heal their wounds, informed by your tremendous insight and personal experience. Do not let this monster hinder the flame I see in your eyes – the windows to your soul.
To all readers, I hope this post maintained some coherency. I have written it exactly as I have thought it. Forgive me then if my lines of thought tend to wander in many directions; I hope that I have not confused you.
On superficiality September 10, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: consumerism, idol, success, superficiality
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In a recent address to youth in Cagliari, Italy, Pope Benedict XVI (see here) reiterated some of the themes that he touched upon in his World Youth Day address in Sydney (which I spoke about here). The Pontiff remarked:
“And what can we say of the fact that in modern consumer society earnings and success have become the new idols before which so many prostrate themselves? The consequence of this is that people are led to give value only to those who … ‘have found fortune’ or who are ‘notorious,’ and not to those who must struggle with life every day. …
There is a risk of becoming superficial, of taking dangerous shortcuts in search of success, thus giving life up to experiences that bring immediate satisfaction but that are in themselves precarious and deceptive.”
In our modern consumer society are we enslaved to the ‘new idols’ of earnings and success? Do we idolize such things beyond their actual value? Do we perhaps honestly believe that our the void within our hearts will be filled in some way by the consumption of success? It is ever-elusive, and I myself have oft fallen into such a delusion. Is such thinking leading us in the direction of a superficial perception of beauty, success and happiness? In a few of my posts on this blog I have contemplated such questions in greater detail.
Update:
Continuing the same theme that permeated his address in Cagliari, the Pontiff also recently addressed a crowd in France, in which he stated:
“The word ‘idol’ comes from the Greek and means ‘image’, ‘figure’, ‘representation’, but also ‘ghost’, ‘phantom’, ‘vain appearance’. An idol is a delusion, for it turns its worshiper away from reality and places him in the kingdom of mere appearances. … Have not money, the thirst for possessions, for power and even for knowledge, diverted man from his true destiny?”
Before God, we are all stripped of our superficialities, of our outward appearances, whether they take the form of wealth, status, notoriety or power; we are stripped of them and all extravagances so that only our innermost heart is revealed. We must never cease to remind ourselves that God cares not for any superficialities that form the facade of our personality. Before God, this facade crumbles and we are seen as exactly what we are in the light of truth.
September 10, 2008
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I recently expressed the desire to go for a walk by the beach, particularly since the weather has been warming from the dawn of spring and winter’s chill finally dissipates into mere memory. I wanted to go for a walk by the beach because I felt that I could return to and appreciate the beauty of God’s artwork – creation itself, and in encountering it, be humbled by the acknowledgment of the Maker’s greatness. I hoped that I could then find inner peace in the recognition that there is more to life than the superficialities of status upon which I have focused of late. I cannot make nor ever replicate the beauty of His creation, nor even fathom it, and in that acknowledgment I am humbled, recognizing that my own powers and abilities are limited and finite, but thankful also that I can appreciate the beauty of His art and be a part of it also.
Where is my heart? September 8, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: character, conscience, heart, perfectionism
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“Where your treasure is, so too shall your heart be.” – Jesus. Where is my treasure is now a fundamental question of where my heart is. In introspection, I have asked that question of myself. I have inquired, reflected, contemplated and sought for answers, and I have found that my heart is in the wrong place. It is in the realm of superficiality and of pride. It is ill or misinformed because it confuses productivity for worth and value, relies on ’success’ for happiness, and is addicted to power and to praise like a drug. My heart is in the wrong place if its intentions are not pure; if they are only for self-interest or self-gain – inner consumerism in a way.
I have prayed for an inward transformation, recognizing that before God I am stripped of my superficialities and may only present my heart, such as it is. Do I dare declare, risking hypocrisy, that I treasure compassion if I fail to integrate this in my behaviour? How may I lead others if I cannot lead myself with discipline, integrity, humility and honesty?
I fear treading down a dangerous path, for if my heart remains in the wrong place, in the realm of superficiality and addiction to power and praise, then do I perhaps head in the direction of self-interest and utter self-absorption? It is a very real possibility, and I also tantalize the thought that it is perhaps linked to my struggle with perfectionism.
It is a vicious cycle of perfectionistic tendencies oriented towards superficiality that defines my success and worth as intimately and intrinsically linked to my productivity and performance, and not my heart. This tendency towards perfectionism involves perpetual self-evaluation and is devouring of the self, ultimately destructive of the heart as it results in one devoting copious portions of energy into the self and ego, rather than in giving, to relationships and to others. It tends to be a path that leads to self-absorption, not self-improvement and is degrading as it defines a person’s worth on the basis of performance and productivity or other superficialities, without considering the person’s inner heart.
I fear even that it is the path that leads to a chain of compromises, where one ultimately justifies the sacrifice of their character, heart or moral compass of conscience in the name of achieving productivity in a field. Quite simply, the path that leads to the phrase ‘the ends justify the means.’
Oh how I pray to break free of this maddening spiral in which I have let my heart sink and worse yet let others be dragged in also.
Trust in God September 7, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: anxiety, despair, faith, fear, theology, trust
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“He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flies by day; nor for the pestilence that walks in the darkness; nor for the destruction that wastes by noonday.” – Psalm 91: 4-6
“Blessed is the person that trusts in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spread out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat comes, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be care-worn in the year of drought, neither shall it cease from yielding fruit.” – Jeremiah 17: 7-10
Why do we worry and why do we fear? We often fall to anxiety, to a sense of hopelessness and discouragement, compounding itself into despair. In such times of disheartenment and despondency, we are reminded by Christ not to worry and not to despair (Matthew 6: 25-34), but rather, to trust in God and in his divine will. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not onto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6)
Trust in God entails the abandonment of all fear, for it is the humbling acknowledgment of God’s will, and the recognition that human capacity and ability is finite and limited and that we cannot arrive at all answers by our own merits and understandings. Trust in God is the acknowledgment that from God all things come and to God all things must return. All shall return to the Creator, regardless of whether the return journey is accepted with happiness or not. Trust in God is the acknowledgment that to God belongs all glory and the proclamation that may all things be as He intends in His divine design.
Throughout the Gospels Jesus emphasizes that his apostles cast out all fear and that they place their total trust in God. He asks, “Why are you fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” (Mark 4:40). We are told by Christ not to fear, especially not to fear human forces, declaring that “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” (Matthew 10: 28) Jesus advises us not to be troubled, not to fear the world for he has himself has overcome the entire world (John 16:33) in his Resurrection and he states: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
A call to change September 7, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: change, discipline, hypocrisy
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Ashleigh recently remarked, “It’s the little things that matter Ben. Who cares if you can get an A+ if you can’t even stick by your principles.” I hold no mask any longer – my inner hypocrisy is revealed. Yet this moment of terrible realization also presents a wonderful opportunity – a call to change; change from within.
I have previously stated in another post that I believe that real change begins from within, and herein lies the challenge I must confront. That challenge now is to change from within, and to allow that change to permeate throughout my conduct. The challenge is to exercise discipline in my behaviour, and to integrate my beliefs with my actions. Alone I cannot achieve this, I know that.
I feel direction-less sometimes, superficial even, and vain. Preaching one thing and then conducting differently. This must end, and I must make an effort. For me this realization is a personal milestone.
You may have noticed that recently my posts have been focused upon character, with the emphasis placed on the ‘act’ within the term. That particular post, on character, provides some indication of why I believe it is important, and therefore, why I believe I must change.
A contemplative piece on greatness, wealth and superficiality September 2, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: greatness, heavenly wealth, humility, Kingdom, Raimond Gaita, superficiality
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Jesus once asked the probing question, “For what does it profit a man if he gain the whole world but looses and forfeits himself?” I ask myself that question also. Except I ask, what benefit is to a person to gain great earthly renown and social status but loose his moral compass and compromise his character?
Reading Romulus, my father by moral philosopher Raimond Gaita, one gains the understanding that Romulus was great not because of his productivity, achievements or status, but rather he was great because of his finely tuned moral compass, his sound conscience and character, and his vital integrity. Perhaps these things, and not earthly status and wealth, are what Jesus speaks of when he advises his apostles to seek the riches of the Kingdom. Perhaps the heavenly wealth which Christ bids us to seek is just that, a sound moral compass of conscience oriented toward the truth. Jesus advises us that this, and not money, is of true durable value.
Romulus lived in what I would consider a particular level of voluntary simplicity. It did not appear that he held any desire for the mass accumulation of wealth. Gaita notes this writing that, “When he sold the workshop he immediately offered Hora six thousand dollars to pay off a bank debt. Hora refused the offer. My father persisted. Why should he have money sitting in the bank when Hora was in debt and paying interest?” This act of generosity is not a one off for Romulus, as it is revealed that at various points throughout his life Romulus expressed a deep compassionate regard that was not based on the notion that he would receive a particularly reward, but rather he regarded it simply as the right thing to do.
Romulus did not place such high importance on monetary wealth or status and instead prized character, emphasizing the word ‘act’ in the term as key. This is testified by his simple living in Frogmore and later the house in Maryborough which he sought not to lavish with extravagant items or luxuries. “He associated concern for these things with a desire for prestige, a desire to set oneself apart and look down on others. He came across many such examples of concern for status.” To Romulus, these things were mere superficialities – not thorough or deep and revealing little about one’s character. Indeed, it is perhaps what could be considered earthly wealth, and consequently it is something that will pass and decay. “His sense of religion and their desire for wealth and prestige were radically incompatible. He believed that those who were genuinely religious felt no need to distinguish themselves from others in such ways.” I believe that this understanding underpinned why Romulus did not desire to accumulate wealth. He regarded it as a superficial display – a facade projected to the world to emphasize prestige or to hide some flaw of character. Instead he prized a sound character of moral integrity. In this way, Romulus’ heart was oriented toward heavenly riches of priceless value, rather than earthly fortune of passing and superficial value. “All his life he had a stronger sense of moral reality and with it a belief in the connection between goodness and simplicity.”
It is frequently all too easy (I speak from experience) to believe in the illusory prospect that earthly wealth, whether in the form of social status, fame or money, will satisfy our souls and stand the test of time. We delude ourselves believing thus, and Jesus reminds us that all such things will come to pass, decaying in time – they are a superficial facade that speaks little of our innermost heart, and quite often we hide behind such facades and in doing so risk isolating ourselves from one another. We sometimes use the facade of our social status or wealth as an excuse not to connect with others. We sometimes use our earthly differences to build a wall – a form of isolationism that is challenging to break. But in breaking this isolationism and truly interacting and connecting with other human beings we find a common humanity. Perhaps this why Gaita constantly speaks of Romulus’ deep love in conversation; for it appears that any discussion with Romulus such walls would crumble.
We must also recognize, challenging though it is, that before God all our walls and superficial facades that we may consciously or unconsciously construct to isolate ourselves in a comfort zone come crumbling down. Before his eyes we are rendered naked – stripped of all our superficialities and revealed as exactly what we are. Human beings may be impressed by such superficialities as money and status, but God cares nothing for them. He sees beyond superficialities and sees the person’s innermost heart and their intentions.
Heavenly wealth does not decay. It is not superficial because it comes directly from a person’s innermost heart, and furthermore, it is not a facade because in giving heavenly wealth one finds that one often takes the risk to give and in doing so breaks down walls of exclusion and reaches out to other human beings. Of course, reaching out to other human beings involves considerable risk; the risk of rejection for example. However, I believe God encourages us to take this risk and he provides the ultimate model of it in reaching out to us through Christ.
I speak of Romulus because I believe that his notion of what heavenly wealth is was intrinsic to his character and explains why he valued honesty, integrity and compassion over status and wealth. I further believe that Romulus is great not because of his achievements, productivity or status, but simply because of his character and moral integrity. I cannot claim, neither does his son, that Romulus is a saint. However, I do admire his complete disregard for superficialities and his values which seem to have so profoundly influenced his son that his son is now a moral philosopher.
A constant theme that seems to permeate throughout the Gospels is Jesus’ persistent reminder that this, a sound conscience, integrity, humility and purity of heart, are prized and celebrated as heavenly treasures in the Kingdom, where money, fame and social position hold no relevance or importance.
Why am I writing this? Well, in a large part it is an exploration of values and particularly what constitutes true and authentic treasure of the heavenly kind. I am also writing this to consider what it actually means to be ‘great’ in that same sense. It appears that according to Jesus a person is not great because of the magnitude of their actions, but rather because of the love and intentions behind them. A person is not great because of their social status or fame, but because of how they direct themselves – their character and their conscience, especially in the face of adversity. So what is greatness? The apostles debated upon this, asking themselves who was the greatest among them. Jesus responded by saying, “The greatest in the Kingdom of heaven is the one who humbles himself and becomes like this child.” A keyword there seems to be humility. Greatness in the Kingdom, therefore, is not achieved by ordinary earthly means of productivity and ability, but rather by choices informed by a properly oriented moral compass of conscience, by humility and by purity of heart.
Earthly notions of greatness and success can be enslaving. If we believe that our productivity, status and achievements are intrinsic to our self-worth and value, then we allow ourselves to be enslaved to such notions, believing that these things will make us great. They may perhaps make us great in earthly eyes. But these earthly things do not make us great in heavenly eyes. Which brings me back to the same question with which I began this piece, Jesus’ question: “For what does it profit a man if he gain the whole world but looses and forfeits himself?”
If we believe that our inner worth is intimately linked to our productivity, then we risk becoming battery hens – our only measure of self-worth is limited to the earthly scope and understanding of what success and productivity is. We thus allow earthly notions of greatness – fame, power, wealth, social status – to become our idols, and we their slaves.
We can admit that it is a great challenge to overcome the illusory hope that our earthly success somehow affirms our inner worth, and it also equally challenging to integrate the notion of what really matters, the great spiritual riches, into our lives. However, the mere realization and attempt at this integration is liberating in itself.
On Leadership September 1, 2008
Posted by Stewart in All posts.Tags: character, choice, conscience, heart, leadership, service
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How do we understand leadership; what it is and what it means? Leadership is defined by action; it is more than just the exercise of authority. Leadership transcends position and status. It is about choices and intentions. It is about service and the giving of oneself.
In Christ we find the perfect model of authentic leadership. A form of leadership by example, which requires the communication of a model for behaviour. God, the Master of the Universe, in his absolute love, humbles himself and becomes the Suffering Servant, the Pilgrim God with us. God thus leads his creation in his example by demonstrating the Law of Love in his own Incarnation and Passion. God does not merely command us to love without first demonstrating how we are to love. God does not command us to show mercy without first demonstrating mercy. God’s leadership in creation is therefore understood as not merely the exercise of supreme authority, but more profoundly, the action of leading by supreme example. God reveals his truth and love not merely by declaring it, but by demonstrating it in Christ. In light of this, we can understand these words, “if God so loved us, we ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11) It is because we have witnessed such love that we can now follow in the footsteps of it, guided by the ultimate model- Christ himself. It is the elemental integration of one’s intentions with one’s actions. Mahatma Gandhi perhaps understood this idea when he remarked that we should each “Be the change we wish to see in the world”. If we are to lead than we should lead first and foremost by our example, integrating and communicating our intentions, values and vision in our behaviour.
“It is our choices… that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – J.K. Rowling. Our choices, their underlying intentions, and not so much our abilities, are important aspects of leadership. What we choose to do and how we choose to act influences not only the outcome, but the formation and determination of our character. One may possess a great talent, but it is how one applies the talent – the choice – that reveals and shapes the character and the outcomes. What worth is the possession of great intellect when one’s choices are poor? What worth is great social status when the choices made to attain that status were poor, harmful or destructive of self or others? Jesus notes this when he asks, “For what does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and looses or forfeits himself?” Choice then, not merely ability, is required for leadership.
The direction and orientation of one’s inner moral compass of conscience must be informed by a cultivated awareness of truth, for it is the content of one’s consciousness that shapes one’s behaviour. Leadership, therefore, requires that a person’s conscience be based on a solid conscious awareness of the truth of the matter, and not on ignorance. Ignorance is bliss because one can then use the excuse, ‘I didn’t know’, whereas when one is aware of the truth, one is obliged to act based upon that awareness. Being aware of the truth of the matter does not mean hoarding that knowledge for oneself. To lead, once a person is awakened and aware he or she desires fervently to awaken his fellow human beings and to share this awareness with them. A person cannot genuinely lead by ignorance. Jesus notes that leading by ignorance is like, “the blind leading the blind,” they both ultimately “fall into the ditch.” Christ reprimanded such blind ignorance for it was the source of many misguided choices, and he was presumably ridiculed for it, because he lead with an awareness of the truth, and he sought to infuse the brilliant light of truth into his creation to dispell the darkness of ignorance and manufactured deception.
Christ led by example and with full awareness of the truth. As our ultimate model of authentic leadership, Jesus experienced ridicule, rejection, name-calling and ultimately suffering. Leadership is not easy. It can be incredibly difficult and riddled with challenges, trials and tribulation, even immense suffering. But that is no reason to surrender. Christ suffered terribly and was pierced deeply, yet he chose not to yield; instead he suffered for what is right and true. Leadership is not without suffering. However, it need not be a cause of misery. Helen Keller offers some deep insight: “Happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” Suffering for a worthy purpose is far better than suffering for nothing. Often we encounter situations in our daily lives where we are presented with a choice between what is right and what is easy. Our leadership and our integrity then comes down to the choice we make.
Leadership involves integrity, the crux of which is that we actively seek to integrate our vision into our daily lives, so that our beliefs are reflected in our behaviour and conduct. It is the integration of our innermost intentions and principles with our outward actions and responses. “Just as the body without spirit is dead, so too faith without works is dead.” (James 2:20) Fulfill your beliefs and vision by demonstrating them in your behaviour, and in thus showing integrity, others may be prompted to follow also, guided by the model you have set. Integrity is the ultimate honesty about one’s identity, for it requires that one be transparent to the values that one claims to profess.
Leadership involves communication; it involves conveying a meaningful message, not merely through language, but more deeply through one’s behaviour. The message does not need to be packaged in luminary language cloaked in many brilliant words and dazzling adjectives. The message can be conveyed through action, and if conveyed through action, the message usually speaks for itself. Perhaps this is how one can understand the meaning behind the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” In a Christian context, God communicates the message of his absolute love not merely by his declaration of it, but by his action of supreme giving in Christ. The challenge for us is to communicate our inner intentions and principles, our vision, through actions and behaviour in daily living, not mere declarations of words, for human language is limited in its scope to convey a message.
Our innermost intentions are also important elements in leadership. If my actions appear on the surface to reflect goodness, but my intentions are only for self-gain, then in the eyes of man I may be a saint, but in the eyes of God I am a fraud, for my intentions are not pure. Remember Christ’s exclamation that “Blessed are the pure of heart!” God’s opinion is the only one that matters, for only God sees into the heart and can discern it with complete accuracy. He sees where human eyes cannot and naught can be hidden from him. God’s almighty gazes pierces the superficial facade of our outward appearances and penetrates ever deeper into the very core of our being; God sees the heart. God perceives the source of an action in the character of the person. He sees the intentions of the heart that motivate a person’s behaviour. Are our intentions pure in our leadership and service? This is a challenging question that prompts deep introspection and contemplation about the motivations behind our behaviour and responses.
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Aesop offers us some insight, advising that no action of compassion is too small or futile. Mother Teresa too once wisely remarked that, “It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that we put into them that matters.” St. Therese also stated that “Nothing is small in the eyes of God.” We can begin to understand then that even simple deeds, deepened by pure intentions, are great in heaven, and that we cannot accurately measure an action by earthly standards. Perhaps this explains why many of the closest heroes in our lives are not necessarily persons of earthly renown that have accomplished great tasks of magnificent magnitude, but rather, people close to us – our friends and families – whose actions while being simple where deepened by love and thus touched our lives and hearts in a profound and mysterious way. We can understand then why even the simplest of acts, when deepened by pure intentions, are great in the lives of those we encounter. Contemplate for a moment, the story of the Widow’s Offering in Luke’s Gospel. The widow, being impoverished herself, offered a minuscule monetary offering. However, Jesus exclaims that she had given more than all the other donors because she gave of all she had. Perhaps even, her offering, as small as it was, was one made with pure intent. Leadership is not defined by actions of incredible magnitude, but often, by many simple actions deepened by an inner passion and love.
Leadership, we can now see, is not merely an exercise of authority, a position or a status. It is deeper than that, and in that sense, we are all leaders by demonstrating and integrating our beliefs and intentions in our behaviour, regardless of whether we retain a formal title or not. Leadership is not rigid, therefore, it is not restricted to a select few of the elect or elite, but rather is present in each one of us as we make our own personal choices with regards to conduct and behaviour.
I admit, and must confess, that I personally struggle to integrate my own vision and beliefs in my actions. I struggle with integrity. And it is for most people I believe a challenge. But then again, leadership is itself challenging, but one grows throughout it. I hope that this short piece offers some contemplative insight on what leadership means, particularly in light of Christian philosophy. And I myself hope to return to this piece, seeking to renew it by reading it and finding further information to add.
For me, this piece is also very personal. It outlines what I believe leadership is. The next challenge is integrating this perspective into my own actions. I fear sometimes of preaching and not acting on that which I proclaim, thereby reserving principles to the realm of mere conversation, without them fully permeating throughout my life. This is a personal challenge I face, and it seems like a moral one to me.
Slowly I grow. However, this is not all to my own merits, and many other people must be thanked for cultivating in me these ideas and insights which have circulated my psyche and have now spilled over into writing. The ideas presented in this piece, therefore, are not originally my own. That is not to say that I stole them from other sources, but rather, that this piece is contemplative and draws on various ideas about leadership that I have encountered throughout my own life experiences and interactions with other people. To them I owe a great debt of gratitude.